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Through My Eyes: Adventures in Borderline Land
Category Archives: community mental health
From Bad to Worse to Being Sedated and Subdued by Hospital Security – Part 2
Warning : The following 4 part post may be triggering for some individuals, content contains suicidal ideation and self harm. I also ask that there be no judgement of me. I am letting you take a look inside of my … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, Depression, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged abandonment issues, addiction, anxiety, Ativan, benzodiazepine withdrawal, borderline personality disorder, BPD, community mental health, depression, Diazepam, Dr Carolyn King, emotionally unstable, empty, Family, fear of abandonment, Integrated Ph, Lorazepam, medicall malpractice lawsuit, mental health, mental illness, Monk, Network 180, overwhelmed, panic, paranioa, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sister, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, Thought, True Blood, Turning Point detox, Valium
5 Comments
From Bad to Worse to Being Sedated and Subdued by Hospital Security – Part 1
Warning : The following 4 part post may be triggering for some individuals, content contains suicidal ideation and self harm. I also ask that there be no judgement of me. I am letting you take a look inside of my … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse, Addiction, Agitation, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, Depression, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Side Effects of Ativan, Suicide, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged abandonment issues, addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, Ativan, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, depression, deviantArt, Disorders, dog, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, Family, fear of abandonment, frantic efforts to avoid real of imaginged abandonment, gothscene.com, irrational thought, Lorazepam, manuipulation, mental health, mental illness, Monk, overwhelmed, rage, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sister, suicidal ideation, suicide, Thought, Understanding
15 Comments
Mid “Episode” Post
Network 180 called both Toast and Jen earlier and left messages saying that it would be about a week until I can get in to the detox program, and that we should call up to Turning Point everyday to let … Continue reading
Posted in Agitation, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, mental health, mental illness, personality disorders, relationships, Side Effects of Ativan, Suicide, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged addiction, anger, anxiety, Ativan, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, emotionally unstable, Family, Insomnia, Lorazepam, medication, mental health, mental illness, overwhelmed, rage, reality, sister, social anxiety, suicide, Thought
3 Comments
Detox, Network 180, and the Bullshit in the System
Yesterday, we talked to dad about the possibility of me doing neurofeedback. He agreed that it would be a positive thing for me to try and it was decided that I will be trying that. I emailed Becky (DBT Centers … Continue reading
Posted in Addiction, Agitation, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, mental health, mental illness, personality disorders, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, Arbor Circle, Ativan, Ativan withdrawal, benzodiazepine withdrawal, borderline personality disorder, BPD, DBT Centers of Michigan, detox, Dr Carolyn King, Family, Lorazepam, Medicaid, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, money, Network 180, neurofeedback, Neurotherapy Associates of West Michigan, overwhelmed, Rebecca Royston, side effects of Ativan, sister, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicidal intent, Turning Point, West Michigan, withdrawal
3 Comments
Tuesday – DBT, Neurofeedback, and More From Dr King
When Becky (DBT Centers of Michigan) came to get me for my appointment today, she asked if it would be alright if Toast came back too. I thought that this was a little weird, and I wondered why, but I … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, DBT, Holistic Health, mental health, mental illness, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged addiction, anxiety, Ativan, Ativan withdrawal, borderline personality disorder, BPD, DBT Centers of Michigan, Dialectical behavior therapy, empty, hospitalization, Lorazepam, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, neurofeedback, Neurotherapy Associates of West Michigan, overwhelmed, Rebecca Royston, social anxiety, Thought, West Michigan, withdrawal
7 Comments
Maladjusted People of Good Will
I am currently experiencing a lot anxiety around doing this post. I know that once I get going it will more than likely dissipate (posting in general is soothing to me, it helps to calm and focus my mind), but … Continue reading
Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, Depression, eating disorders, Energy, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, philosophy, Psychotherapy, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sex, Side Effects of Ativan, society, Suicide, Television programs, Uncategorized
Tagged addiction, agitation, American Psychiatic Association, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Ativan, Ativan overdose, binging, black eyeliner, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, burden, chaos, closed minds, cocaine, comfort zone, community mental health services, communtiy mental health, communtiy mental health system, compulsive overeating, control, counting calories, culture, delirium, depressed, depression, discrimination, Disorders, drug abuse, drugs, eating disorders, emotional triggers, emotionally unstable, emotions, emptiness, empty, exhaustion, Family, fear, fear of abandonment, fear of change, fear of losing those I love, financial, Forest View Hospital, free minds, frustration, great minds, Health, hypoglycemia, impulsive sex, inner experience, Insomnia, inspiration, Lorazepam, loss of control, Martin Luther King Jr, mass reality, Medicaid, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, money, mood, Netflix, Network 180, obsess, organic food, ostricized, overdose, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, paranioa, Payless, Personality disorder, personality disorders, pisssed off, poverty, pressure, psychiatric hospital, psychological triggers, psychotherapy, punished, puppies and kittens, pushy sales man, rage, reality, realization, recovery, reflective, religious bigotry, segregation, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, semi positivity, sex, sick, sing, Singing, sister, Sleep, social anxiety, society, stress, Substance abuse, suffering, suicide, suicide attempt, therapy, thoughts, uncomfortable, war going on inside myself, weight gain, Worry
9 Comments
Zombification
Im really not sure why Im even trying to post right now. My body and brain are pretty much just completely mush. The anxiety is still present and all of the side effects just continue to grow stronger. All I … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, Depression, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, personality disorders, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized
Tagged addiction, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Ativan, borderline personality disorder, BPD, Brain, brain fog, control, DBT, DBT Centers of Michigan, DBT groups, DBT groups in Grand Rapids Michigan, Deb Spoors, depressed, depression, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Disorders, dizzy, Dr Carolyn King, emotionally unstable, exhaustion, Family, financial, Health, Insomnia, Integrated Psychiatric Medicine, Lorazepam, loss of coordination, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, money, overwhelmed, poverty, psychotherapy, queasy, sensitive to sounds and smells, sick, side effects, side effects of Ativan, sister, Sleep, slurring speach, surreal, therapy, touchstone, unsteadiness, Zombie
11 Comments
DBT Debacle
Yesterday afternoon, my sister went to work trying to find a DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) group for me. As per usual, it ended up being a major pain in the ass, that we still dont have an answer for. The … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, Depression, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Psychotherapy, Uncategorized
Tagged addiction, alcohol, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Arbor Circle, Ativan, behavioral disinhibition, borderline personality disorder, BPD, brain fog, clumsy, community mental health, community mental health services, community mental health system, control, DBT, DBT Centers of Michigan, DBT group, Deb Spoors, Dialectical behavior therapy, Disorders, dizziness, dizzy, drama, dream of suicide, Emotional self-regulation, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, feel unreal, financial, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, government funded mental health care, Health, increased aggression, increased anxiety, Integrated Psychiatric Medicine, Lorazepam, loss of coordination, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, misdiagnosis, money, panic, paradoxical effects, paranioa, Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services, poverty, psychotherapy, side effects of Ativan, sister, social anxiety, suicide, therapy, tired, touchstone, unsteady
9 Comments
The Night I Decided to Die
Warning: this post may be triggering for some individuals Im feeling incredibly depressed today. Im home alone right now, since Ive been back in Michigan I havent wanted to be alone at all, but right now I am glad that … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD Blogs, community mental health, general life, mental health, mental illness, personality disorders, Phobias, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sex, society, Suicide, Uncategorized
Tagged a danger to myself, addiction, alone, ambulance, anger, anxiety, anxoius, arguing, bath, blow, borderline personality disorder, BPD, brain fog, change, cigarettes, claustraphobia, cocaine, cognitive, coke head, Colorado, community mental health, Community mental health service, community mental health system, control, crisis, crisis intervention program, cruel doctors, cry, depressed, depression, Disorders, drug, drug induced sex, Effexor XR, emergency 911, emotional pain, emotionally unstable, emptiness, empty, EMT, exotic dancer, failed suicide attempt, Family, friendship, gentlemans club, government, grief, guilt, Health, high, hope, hospital, infertility, irate, iron poisoning, irrational, loopy, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, Network 180, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, paranioa, police officer, privacy, psychotrophic drugs, rage, razor blade, recovery, Recreational vehicle, roommate, sadness, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sex, shame, sick, sister, Sleep, social anxiety, Strip club, strippers, suicide, suicide attempt, tattoo needle, Thought, trust, unstable, violent outbursts, vitamins
18 Comments
Suicidal Dreams
I had a nightmare last night, or this morning actually, that was so extremely real and freaky that I feel the need to share it. When I woke up Toast asked me if I was ok, and said that I … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, community mental health, Dreams, mental health, mental illness, personality disorders, reality, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Suicide, Uncategorized
Tagged 911, anger, anxoius, attempted suicide, bizarre dreams, borderline personality disorder, BPD, cant breathe, community mental health services, dangerous, death, depressed, depression, determination, Dexter, Disorders, dog, Dream, emotional duress, emotionally unstable, empty, Family, freaking out, hallucinations, Health, heart pounding, hyperventilating, insensitive, Insomnia, knives, Major depressive disorder, mental health, mental illness, Network 180, nightmare, overdose, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, paranioa, Pit Bull, police, rage, scared, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, self-preservation instinct, shaking, Sleep, suicide, tense jaw, tight chest, twitchy muscles, upset
6 Comments
