Category Archives: Music

Neurofeedback and Nine Inch Nails

Posted on September 28, 2011 by gypsy116

I woke up today and looked at the clock. It read 1:07pm. Fuck, I jumped out of bed, not like I was running that late (I had planned on getting up at 1), but I did not need the extra … Continue reading →

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Holistic Health, Lyrics, mental health, Music, Neurofeedback, Uncategorized, Video Blogs, Vlogs | Tagged anxiety, borderline personality disorder, BPD, DBT Centers of Michigan, Health, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, Molly Raaymakers, Music, neurofeedback, Neurotherapy Associates of West Michigan, Nine Inch Nails, Rebecca Royston, videos, West Michigan, With Teeth | 3 Comments

I Really Do Wish I Could Just Disappear

Posted on September 1, 2011 by gypsy116

Over the past few days my mood has not improved much (or really at all), and my thought processes are still not right. So, I guess Ill just go ahead and start where we last left off. Tuesday night, after … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Agitation, Anxiety, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, eating disorders, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Music, personality disorders, philosophy, Phobias, reality, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Vlogs, Withdrawal | Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, Ativan, Ativan abuse, borderline personality disorder, BPD, cocaine, connection, DBT Centers of Michigan, depression, detachment, Dr Carolyn King, Eating, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, existence, Family, Feeling, Girl interrupted, Insomnia, Lorazepam, Lyrics, medication, mental health, mental illness, Metallica, Monk, Music, Nine Inch Nails, Nothing Else Matters, Only, paranioa, questioning reality, reality, Rebecca Royston, resentment, Schism, self harm, self injury, sex, sister, Sleep, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, Susanna Kaysen, The Becomming, Thought, Tool, videos | 6 Comments

Music, OCD, and Pandora Radio

Posted on August 7, 2011 by gypsy116

I decided to add a small dose (1/4mg) of Ativan between my 2nd and 3rd doses yesterday, and I didnt experience as much irritability and agitation last night (I did make it to bed by 2am again, by the way). … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, eating disorders, mental health, mental illness, Music, OCD, personality disorders, poetry, prose, reality, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, agitation, anxiety, Ativan, Ativan withdrawal, borderline personality disorder, BPD, calories, control, Disorders, emotionally unstable, invention, irritability, Lorazepam, medication, mental health, mental illness, money, Music, neurotic, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD, Pandora, Pandora Media, Pandora Radio, poem, poetry, prose, self hatred, side effects of Ativan, tattoo artist, weight gain, wieght loss | 7 Comments

Gravity

Posted on July 25, 2011 by gypsy116

Warning: This post may be triggering for some individuals. Content contains self harm, and suicidal ideation. When I posted Saturday night, after I had decided not to go to the show, I wasnt completely honest with you. Well, it wasnt … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, eating disorders, general life, Health, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Music, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Psychotherapy, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sex, Uncategorized | Tagged A Perfect Circle, addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Ativan, Ativan overdose, binging, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, change, compulsive over eating, control, DBT, DBT Centers of Michigan, depressed, depression, deviantArt, Dialectical behavir, dishonesty, Disorders, drowning, eating disorders, emotional withdrawal, emotionally unstable, empty, Feeling, Gravity A perfect Circle, honesty, Lorazepam, Lyrics, maynard James Keenan, medication, mental health, mental illness, motivation, Music, overwhelmed, panic, passion, Pet Smart, psychotherapy, Real L Word, Rebecca Royston, self harm, self hatred, self injury, self mutilation, sex, sister, Sleep, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, tension, therapy, Walgreens, Wicca | 17 Comments

How Long Before The Fall?

Posted on July 22, 2011 by gypsy116

I have been trying to keep myself busy, in order to stave off the underlying anxiety and hopelessness. For a couple of days it actually worked, , slowly but surely it has found a way to creep back in. Tuesday … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Music, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Pit Bull, Psychotherapy, reality, relationships, Television programs, Uncategorized | Tagged agitation, analyze, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Ativan, birthday party, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, break down, change, concert, conscioiusness, control, DBT, DBT Centers of Michigan, depressed, depression, Dexter, Dialectical behavior therapy, Disorders, dog, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, failure, Family, fear, Feeling, financial, giant puppy, Health, hopelessness, Insomnia, irritable, Lorazepam, love, medication, mental health, mental illness, Miniskirt, money, mood, motivated, negative mood, Netflix, nuetral mood, obsess, only get one life, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, panicky, paranioa, pig tails, Pit Bull, pony tail, positive mood, poverty, psychotherapy, recovery, scared, self hate, self hatred, show, sister, Sleep, Slumlord Radio, social anxiety, terrified, therapy, thinking, wasting life, weight gain, weight loss, workout | 3 Comments

The Constant War Inside My Head (and Body)

Posted on July 8, 2011 by gypsy116

Holy mother of fuck, I cant breathe. Sorry, Just thinking about writing this post is intimidating. Its been a few days since I last posted (I have not had time), and I have way to much that I want/need to … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, eating disorders, general life, Health, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Music, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Psychotherapy, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sex, Songs, Suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, anger, anguish, anxiety, anxoius, argue, bass guitar, blood test, borderline personality disorder, BPD, breaking point, change, cocaine, commitment, consumed, contemplative, control, curly hair, DBT, Deep Shine, depressed, depression, Dexter, Dialectical behavior therapy, Disorders, dog, drugs, emotional pain, emotional triggers, emotionally unstable, empty, fail, Family, fear, fear of change, fear of loss of control, fighting, financial, financial independance, Fuck, Health, Hesitate, hollow promises, Insomnia, intimidating, irrational, judge, lack of control, lies, Lorazepam, Lyrics, marriage, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, money, Music, music video, overwhelmed, pain, Pain For Sale, panic, panic attack, paranioa, Pit Bull, poverty, psychological triggers, psychotherapy, rage, rational, recovery, reflective, relationship, Rodrick Dantzler, Rusk, sex, shootings in Michigan July 7 2011, sick, sister, Sleep, social anxiety, Songs, Stone Sour, stressful environment, struggle, suicide, tattoo artist, therapy, Thought, tolerance, try, violence, war, war inside my head, wasted life, wasted time, wdding ring, weight gain, weight loss | 11 Comments

Life Wasted

Posted on June 29, 2011 by gypsy116

Warning: This Post may be triggering for some individuals, there is some mention of suicidal ideation, intent and self harm. 1st, sorry for posting twice today (although Im not sure, this may not end up posted until early tomorrow morning), … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, eating disorders, general life, Health, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Music, Obsession, personality disorders, poetry, Psychotherapy, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Songs, Suicide, Television programs, Uncategorized | Tagged Adam Levine, addiction, agitation, alcohol, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Atian overdose, Ativan, Beautiful Christina Aguilera, Beverly McClellan, Blood, borderline personality disorder, BPD, change, Christina Aguilera, cocaine, compulsive overeating, confliction, confusion, delusion, depressed, depression, Dia Frampton, Disorders, drug abuse, drugs, emotional triggers, emotionally unstable, empty, escape, Family, fantasize, Health, Inventing Shadows, Javier Colon, life wasted, Lorazepam, lost, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Michael Jackson, Music, overdosing, overwhelmed, pain, performance, psychological triggers, psychotherapy, rage, recovery, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, signs from the universe, Singing, sister, social anxiety, Songs, Stitch by Stitch, Substance abuse, suicidal ideation, suicidal intent, suicide, sweet release, The Man In The Mirror, The Voice, therapy, waste of life | 11 Comments

Is Love Only Sweeter When One of us Dies

Posted on June 7, 2011 by gypsy116

Warning: This post may be triggering for some individuals. Content contains graphic description of self harm, and some suicidal ideation. Last night, after I got off the computer, I again laid in bed and stared at the wall. Again I … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD Blogs, Depression, eating disorders, general life, Health, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Music, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Phobias, poetry, Psychotherapy, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Showtime shows, Songs, Television programs, Uncategorized, United States of Tara, United States of Tara cancellation | Tagged abandonment issues, abyss, addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, anxoius, bawl, binging, Blood, borderline personality disorder, BPD, BPD blogs, Brie Larson, Burlingame Dairy Dip, cancellation of United States of Tara, comfort, compulsive over eating, computer, control, coping, cry, decision, depressed, depression, despair, devastation, Disorders, Eat me drink me, eating disorders, emotional triggers, emotionally sensitive, emotionally unstable, empathy, emptiness, empty, Family, fear of abandonment, hatred, Health, hopelessness, I want to feel something, ice cream, ignored, incapable of feeling, Insomnia, irrational, issues, Just A Car Crash Away, Kate Gregson, Kier Gilchrist, Lionel Trane, loss of faith, love, Marilyn Manson, marriage, marriage to a person with Borderline Personality Disorder, Marshall Gregson, mental health, mental illness, Michael J. Willett, New York City, no resolution, not fair, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, paranioa, poetry, protest the cancellation of United States of Tara, psychological triggers, psychotherapy, racing thoughts, rage, Razor, razor blade, relationship, sadness, self harm, self hate, self hatred, self injury, self mutilation, self worth, Showtime, Showtime Networks, sickening, Sleep, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, surreal, Tara Gregson, therapy, Toni Collette, United States of Tara, wounds | Leave a comment

Pit of Despair

Posted on June 5, 2011 by gypsy116

Warning: This post may be triggering for some individuals. Content includes suicidal ideation and intent. I have fallen deeply into my cold, black pit of despair. That place where the only welcome feelings are sorrow, anger, guilt, and shame. I … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, general life, Health, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Music, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Phobias, poetry, reality, relationships, Suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Arizona, Ativan, blow, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, cocaine, coke, control, dead inside, depressed, depression, despair, Disorders, drugs, dying inside, emotional pain, emotional trigger, emotionally unstable, empty, Family, fear, fear of abandonment, guilt, Health, hell, hollow, I do not care, Insomnia, Lorazepam, Lyrics, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, money, Music, overwhelmed, pain, poetry, poverty, psychiatrist, psychological triggers, psychotherapy, rage, reality, relationship issues, sadness, scared, Seether, Seether Fine Again, sex, shame, Sleep, sober, social anxiety, Songs, sorrow, Substance abuse, Subway, suicidal ideation, suicidal intent, suicide, therapy, withdrawn | 8 Comments

Make Me Bad

Posted on May 13, 2011 by gypsy116

Last night we watched the movie Downloading Nancy, as suggested by a fellow blogger (http://skyeee.wordpress.com/) awhile back. It was incredibly sad, but I liked it a lot. Toast told me that he found it kind of odd that the movie … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD Blogs, general life, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Music, personality disorders, poetry, relationships, sex, Songs, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, Arizona, Arts, black eyeliner, borderline personality disorder, BPD, changing my life, control, Conversation, depressed, depression, Disorders, Downloading Nancy, emotionally unstable, empty, Feeling, Fuck, Insomnia, Jonathan Davis, Korn, Lyrics, Make Me Bad Korn, mental health, mental illness, mood, movie, Music, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, pig tails, Rape, reason, sex, sexual frustration, skyeee.wordpress.com, Sleep, Trash Korn, weight gain, weight loss, withdrawn, working out, worthlessness | 4 Comments

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