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Through My Eyes: Adventures in Borderline Land
Category Archives: Panic Disorders
Sex and ArtPrize
Sunday, my family (my dad, me, Toast, Jen, Matt and Ava) went to ArtPrize (Gabby was with her bio mom, and mom cant do that much walking, she needs new knees, so they werent able to go with us). It … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety Disorders, Art, ArtPrize, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Panic Disorders, Phobias, sex, Uncategorized
Tagged agitation, anger, anxiety, art, ArtPrize, Ativan, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, DBT Centers of Michigan, Dexter, empty, fear, Grand Rapids Michigan, Lorazepam, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, Rebecca Royston, relationships, sex, shame, Showtime, social anxiety, Subway
2 Comments
Dr King is Absolutely F*cking Psychotic – Part 2
A continuation from Dr King is Absolutely F*cking Psychotic – Part 1 Toast and I sat outside for what felt like for fucking ever. I was extremely anxious and agitated, my legs bouncing all over the place, rocking back and … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse, Addiction, Agitation, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Health, mental health, mental illness, OCD, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Psychotherapy, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, Ativan, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, cop car, DBT Centers of Michigan, Dr Carolyn King, emotionally unstable, Family, fear of talking on the phone, Fuck, Health, Intergrated Psychiatric Medicine, Lorazepam, mental health, mental illness, overwhelmed, panic, paranioa, police, psychiatrist, psychotherapy, rage, Rebecca Royston, repetive thoughts, Satan, sister
8 Comments
Sunday – The Dreaded Text and Phone Call
I was going to post yesterday, after our appointment with Becky (DBT Centers of Michigan), but I was just entirely too drained. So now, again, I am left with way to much to post, and am quite overwhelmed. I think … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Phobias, Psychotherapy, Uncategorized
Tagged anger, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, BPD, DBT Centers of Michigan, depression, fear of talking on the phone, Film, Hesher, Just Peck, Keir Gilchrist, Lorazepam, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, neurofeedback, overwhelmed, panic, psychotherapy, Rebecca Royston, self hatred, social anxiety, texting, United States of Tara
2 Comments
I Feel Like Im going to F*cking Break
I havent much to share today, so this post should be fairly short (probably a much needed break from my usually very long and wordy posts). Im feeling extremely depressed, empty and alone today. I dont think I will see … Continue reading
Posted in Addiction, Agitation, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Holistic Health, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Phobias, Psychotherapy, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged agitation, anxiety, Ativan, Ativan withdrawal, benzodiazepine withdrawal, borderline personality disorder, BPD, DBT Centers of Michigan, depression, Effexor withdrawal, emotionally unstable, empty, Family, fear of talking on the phone, Lorazepam, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, neurofeedback, Neurotherapy Associates of West Michigan, overwhelmed, panic, Point of Return, psychotherapy, Rebecca Royston, sister, social anxiety, West Michigan
16 Comments
Crazy, Stupid, Love a.k.a. I am Completely Unstable, and Dont Know What to do
So, yesterday Toast and I were supposed to have this great day (I shouldve known better. Whenever I have high expectations, its pretty much inevitable that I will be disappointed). My sister and Matt had gone to the theater to … Continue reading
Posted in Agitation, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, Holistic Health, mental health, mental illness, Mother Issues, Movies, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, relationships, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, Ativan, borderline personality disorder, BPD, Crazy Stupid Love, Emma Stone, emotionally unstable, empty, Lorazepam, mental health, mental illness, neurofeedback, overwhelmed, Panera Bread, panic, psychotherapy, rage, sister, suicidal ideation, suicide, tattoo artist, The Big C, The Notebook, Thor, Weeds, X-Men 1st Class
6 Comments
From Bad to Worse to Being Sedated and Subdued by Hospital Security – Part 4
Warning : The following 4 part post may be triggering for some individuals, content contains suicidal ideation and self harm. I also ask that there be no judgement of me. I am letting you take a look inside of my … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Phobias, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized
Tagged anger, anxiety, Ativan, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, cruel and unusual punishment, depression, doctors, Emergency room, emotionally unstable, empty, EMTs, exhaustion, Family, Forest View Hospital, hospital, Lorazepam, medication, mental health, mental illness, misuse of power, nurses, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, phobia, phobia of vomiting, psychiatric hospital, rage, restraint, sedative, self harm, sister, subdued, suicidal ideation, Thought, Understanding
17 Comments
From Bad to Worse to Being Sedated and Subdued by Hospital Security – Part 2
Warning : The following 4 part post may be triggering for some individuals, content contains suicidal ideation and self harm. I also ask that there be no judgement of me. I am letting you take a look inside of my … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, Depression, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged abandonment issues, addiction, anxiety, Ativan, benzodiazepine withdrawal, borderline personality disorder, BPD, community mental health, depression, Diazepam, Dr Carolyn King, emotionally unstable, empty, Family, fear of abandonment, Integrated Ph, Lorazepam, medicall malpractice lawsuit, mental health, mental illness, Monk, Network 180, overwhelmed, panic, paranioa, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sister, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, Thought, True Blood, Turning Point detox, Valium
5 Comments
From Bad to Worse to Being Sedated and Subdued by Hospital Security – Part 1
Warning : The following 4 part post may be triggering for some individuals, content contains suicidal ideation and self harm. I also ask that there be no judgement of me. I am letting you take a look inside of my … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse, Addiction, Agitation, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, Depression, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Side Effects of Ativan, Suicide, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged abandonment issues, addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, Ativan, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, depression, deviantArt, Disorders, dog, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, Family, fear of abandonment, frantic efforts to avoid real of imaginged abandonment, gothscene.com, irrational thought, Lorazepam, manuipulation, mental health, mental illness, Monk, overwhelmed, rage, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sister, suicidal ideation, suicide, Thought, Understanding
15 Comments
Reality is Only What You Perceive it to be
Warning: Post may be triggering for some individuals. I woke up around 7:30 this morning in the middle of a panic attack (I absolutely hate when this happens, but at least its been a while). I couldnt stop thinking about … Continue reading
Posted in Addiction, Agitation, Anxiety, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Infertility, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, philosophy, reality, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Withdrawal
Tagged addiction, agitation, anxiety, Ativan, Ativan withdrawal, benzodiazepine withdrawal, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, depersonalization, derealization, dissociation, emotionally unstable, fear, infertility, irrational thought, Lorazepam, mental health, mental illness, panic attack, reality, recovery, Sleep, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, Thought
12 Comments
Thats All Life Really is, You Know? Pure Hell
For a moment it felt like maybe the deep depression that I have been feeling may have lifted slightly. That maybe, I was headed into a little more of a positive phase, but by Thursday night it had become abundantly … Continue reading →