Category Archives: philosophy

What do I Recover?

Posted on September 14, 2011 by gypsy116

“…the whole concept of “recovery” brings up some painful questions. What do I recover? With drug addiction, you hear that you can recover and reclaim your former self, the person you were before you started using. With other psychiatric illnesses, … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, personality disorders, philosophy, reality | Tagged addiction, anxiety, Ativan, borderline personality disorder, BPD, depression, deviantArt, emotionally unstable, empty, Feeling, Gothscene, Kiera Van Gelder, Lorazepam, mental health, mental illness, overly sexual person, recovery, sister, suicidal ideation, The Buddha and The Borderline, Thought, weight loss | 10 Comments

Reality is Only What You Perceive it to be

Posted on September 3, 2011 by gypsy116

Warning: Post may be triggering for some individuals. I woke up around 7:30 this morning in the middle of a panic attack (I absolutely hate when this happens, but at least its been a while). I couldnt stop thinking about … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Agitation, Anxiety, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Infertility, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, philosophy, reality, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Withdrawal | Tagged addiction, agitation, anxiety, Ativan, Ativan withdrawal, benzodiazepine withdrawal, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, depersonalization, derealization, dissociation, emotionally unstable, fear, infertility, irrational thought, Lorazepam, mental health, mental illness, panic attack, reality, recovery, Sleep, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, Thought | 12 Comments

I Really Do Wish I Could Just Disappear

Posted on September 1, 2011 by gypsy116

Over the past few days my mood has not improved much (or really at all), and my thought processes are still not right. So, I guess Ill just go ahead and start where we last left off. Tuesday night, after … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Agitation, Anxiety, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, eating disorders, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Music, personality disorders, philosophy, Phobias, reality, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized, Vlogs, Withdrawal | Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, Ativan, Ativan abuse, borderline personality disorder, BPD, cocaine, connection, DBT Centers of Michigan, depression, detachment, Dr Carolyn King, Eating, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, existence, Family, Feeling, Girl interrupted, Insomnia, Lorazepam, Lyrics, medication, mental health, mental illness, Metallica, Monk, Music, Nine Inch Nails, Nothing Else Matters, Only, paranioa, questioning reality, reality, Rebecca Royston, resentment, Schism, self harm, self injury, sex, sister, Sleep, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, Susanna Kaysen, The Becomming, Thought, Tool, videos | 6 Comments

The Randomness in my Head

Posted on August 23, 2011 by gypsy116

I would like to try and make this a quick post (I know Im not good at that, so lets see how I do), because I would like to try to get something done today (I am again stressing and … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Dreams, mental health, mental illness, personality disorders, philosophy, reality, Side Effects of Ativan, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, anxiety, Ativan, best friends, borderline personality disorder, BPD, childhood friendships, depression, Disorders, distortions, Dr Carolyn King, Dr. c, dreams, emotionally unstable, exhaustion, Facebook, faulty coping mechanisms, Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder, Lorazepam, medication, mental health, mental illness, panic attack, phobia, phobia of vomiting, reality, sex, sex dreams, sexual frustration | 8 Comments

Toast + Gypsy Forever? (Maybe, Sometimes, Yes Forever) – Part 3

Posted on July 15, 2011 by gypsy116

A continuation from July 15ths post. Our house was going into foreclosure, and we only had couple of months left to stay in the house. We had decided that we were going to move into my grandmas house (she was … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, philosophy, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sex, Sexual Identity, Sexual orientation, society, Suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, affair, alcohol, alcoholic, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Arizona, belonging, bikini bar, bisexual, bitter, blame, blow, borderline personality disorder, Borderline relationships, BPD, camper, cheating, cocaine, comfortable, communication, control, couch dances, crying myself to sleep, denial, depressed, depression, Dexter, Disorders, dog, drug abuse, drugs, dysfunctional relationship, emotional abuse, emotional pain, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, exotic dancer, Family, fighting, financial, Flesh For the Beast, foreclosure, friends, Grand Rapids, guilt, hate, Health, indiscretion, isolation, lie, love, low self esteem, lying, manipulation, marijuana, marriage, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, money, motor home, myspace, Ohio, open relationship, overwhelmed, Pain For Sale, panic, panic attack, pansexual, paranioa, Pit Bull, porn addiction, positive attitude, poverty, Psychological abuse, psychotherapy, rage, Recreational vehicle, relationships, resentment, seclusion, self esteem, separation, sex, sex on cocaine, sexual issues, smoking, social anxiety, stealing, Strip club, stripper, Substance abuse, suicide, suicide attempt, table dances, tattoo artist, tattooing, therapy, three some, topless dancing, uncomfortable, unemotional sex, unemployment, unhealthy coping methods, unrecognizable to myself, unstable, verbal abuse, whore house, Winnebago | 8 Comments

Toast + Gypsy Forever? (Maybe, Sometimes, Yes Forever) – Part 2

Posted on July 15, 2011 by gypsy116

A continuation from July 12ths post. From this point on, we have been going back and forth between periods of time where we were both committed to working on our relationship, and periods that we just basically hated each other. … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, Dreams, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, personality disorders, philosophy, reality, relationships, sex, Sexual Identity, Sexual orientation, Tattoos, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, anger, anxiety, anxoius, bisexual, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, denial, depressed, depression, dishonesty, Disorders, emotional abuse, emotionally unstable, exotic dancer, Family, financial, friends with benfits, gentleman, hate, lying, mental health, mental illness, money, Monogamy, mood, open relationship, relationships, self esteem, sex, sexual monogamy, slut, Strip club, stripper, tattoo artist, trust issues, unconventional beliefs, verbal abuse, whore | 7 Comments

Maladjusted People of Good Will

Posted on July 3, 2011 by gypsy116

I am currently experiencing a lot anxiety around doing this post. I know that once I get going it will more than likely dissipate (posting in general is soothing to me, it helps to calm and focus my mind), but … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, community mental health, Depression, eating disorders, Energy, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, philosophy, Psychotherapy, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sex, Side Effects of Ativan, society, Suicide, Television programs, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, agitation, American Psychiatic Association, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Ativan, Ativan overdose, binging, black eyeliner, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, burden, chaos, closed minds, cocaine, comfort zone, community mental health services, communtiy mental health, communtiy mental health system, compulsive overeating, control, counting calories, culture, delirium, depressed, depression, discrimination, Disorders, drug abuse, drugs, eating disorders, emotional triggers, emotionally unstable, emotions, emptiness, empty, exhaustion, Family, fear, fear of abandonment, fear of change, fear of losing those I love, financial, Forest View Hospital, free minds, frustration, great minds, Health, hypoglycemia, impulsive sex, inner experience, Insomnia, inspiration, Lorazepam, loss of control, Martin Luther King Jr, mass reality, Medicaid, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, money, mood, Netflix, Network 180, obsess, organic food, ostricized, overdose, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, paranioa, Payless, Personality disorder, personality disorders, pisssed off, poverty, pressure, psychiatric hospital, psychological triggers, psychotherapy, punished, puppies and kittens, pushy sales man, rage, reality, realization, recovery, reflective, religious bigotry, segregation, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, semi positivity, sex, sick, sing, Singing, sister, Sleep, social anxiety, society, stress, Substance abuse, suffering, suicide, suicide attempt, therapy, thoughts, uncomfortable, war going on inside myself, weight gain, Worry | 9 Comments

Warning: Still in the Realm of Delirium, and its Passing Will Be Sorely Missed

Posted on June 14, 2011 by gypsy116

My sister finally talked to someone from the doctors office this morning. They said to discontinue the Ativan all together, and supposedly someone will can me tomorrow morning with further instructions, as to what we are to do, med wise. … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, philosophy, Psychotherapy, reality, relationships, sex, Sexual Identity, Sexual orientation, Showtime shows, Side Effects of Ativan, society, Television programs, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, alcohol, anger, anxiety, anxoius, ashamed, beliefs, bisexual, borderline personality disorder, BPD, BPD blogs, censorship, censorship is wrong, cocaine, connection, control, crying, delirious, delirium, depressed, depression, Dialectical behavior therapy, Disorders, dizzy, embarrassed, emotinal connection, emotionally unstable, exhaustion, Family, freedom, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, hallucinogens, Health, horny, Insomnia, let my freak flag fly, Lorazepam, loss of coordi, LSD, marriage, medication, memory problems, mental health, mental illness, offense, oral sex, orgasm, pansexual, personality disorders, positive infuence, psychiatrist, psychotherapy, queasy, Real L Word, reality, reltationship, sex, sexual identity, sexual issues, Sexual orientation, sexuality, Showtime, side effects of Ativan, sister, Sleep, social anxiety, societies view on sex, society, Television, unaware of reality, uncomfortable, Whitney Mixter | 3 Comments

The Past Few Days – Part 2

Posted on May 12, 2011 by gypsy116

To continue where I left off yesterday, I was starting to have strong feelings of determination, and the desire to change. My mood however, continued to be quite unstable for most of the day (Tuesday). We had a vet appointment … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, Energy, general life, Holistic Health, mental health, mental illness, personality disorders, philosophy, Pit Bull, reality, relationships, society, Uncategorized, Vetinary Medicine | Tagged agitation, alternatives to psychiatry, anti inflammatory, anxiety, anxoius, arguement, beliefs, borderline personality disorder, BPD, crippling anxiety, Deb Spoors, depressed, depression, desire to change, determination, Dexter, Disorders, do or die, dog, Dr. Ditanto, emotionally unstable, Energy, Family, Health, health care, holistic, Holistic Veterinary Options, holistic veterinatian, homeopathy, immune system issues, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, misery, nervousness, pain, panic, panic attack, paralyzing fear, Paws With A Cause, physical exam, Pit Bull, positivity, psychotrophic drugs, sex, sexual frustration, side affects, Sleep, social anxiety, strength, stress, suicide, tattoo artist, The Biggest Loser, therapy, warm weather, weight gain, weight loss, workout, worthless | 9 Comments

The Past Few Days – Part 1

Posted on May 12, 2011 by gypsy116

Good God, I have a lot to share. Im sorry if this post ends up being extraordinarily long, theres a good chance that it will, it has been quite a few days (I actually think I may have to split … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, general life, mental health, mental illness, personality disorders, philosophy, reality, relationships, sex, society, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxoius, borderline personality disorder, BPD, closure, confusion, contorversial beliefs, control, conversatoin, depressed, depression, Disorders, emotionally unstable, empty, Health, irrational thought, mental health, mental illness, mood, open relationship, overwhelmed, panic attack, physical intimacy, rage, sex, sexual frustraton, sexuality, sick, United States of Tara | 1 Comment

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