Tag Archives: depressed

My Heart Hurts So F*cking Bad, I Think Its Shattered

Posted on November 21, 2011 by gypsy116

Tonight (or last night I suppose actually), Toast read my post for the day (I Can Hear My Rational Brain, but Right Now its Definitely Not Convincing Me) and like every night (lately especially), he just lays there and says nothing. … Continue reading →

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, Uncategorized | Tagged anger, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, BPD, broken heart, depressed, depression, emotionally unstable, empty, hate, love, mental health, overwhelmed, relationships | 17 Comments

Sunday – Gabbers Birthday

Posted on August 1, 2011 by gypsy116

Gabbys Birthday isnt actually until Thursday, but we celebrated it on Sunday (that way both Matt and Toast could attend). We had decided to have cake and ice cream, and open presents over at Jens (me, Toast, Matt, Jen, mom, … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Psychotherapy, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, anxoius, birthday party, blow, Bones, borderline personality disorder, bowling, BPD, cocaine, coke, control, DBT Centers of Michigan, depressed, depression, Dialectical behavior therapy, Disorders, drugs, emotionally unstable, empty, Family, guitar, ice cream, mental health, mental illness, niece, nostalgia, obsess, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, poverty, psychotherapy, Rebecca Royston, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sister, social anxiety, Substance abuse, therapy, torture, wasting life | 2 Comments

Try and I Crumble

Posted on July 27, 2011 by gypsy116

I think I may have jumped the gun yesterday, when I said that I had not yet slipped back into that deep depression I had just crawled out of. While I have not fully surrendered to it (I still care), … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, eating disorders, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, personality disorders, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, binging, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, depressed, depression, Disorders, emotionally unstable, empty, enabler, exhaustion, hopeless, ice cream, Insomnia, irrational feelings, irrational thoughs, mental health, mental illness, overwhelmed, panic, powerless, rage, self hate, self hatred, suicide, weight gain, weight loss | 6 Comments

Obviously I Need A Break

Posted on July 26, 2011 by gypsy116

Last night, Im not sure exactly what my deal was, but apparently I was just way to overwhelmed. We watched Weeds and The Big C, and then were going to watch the last 2 episodes of season 5 of Bones … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, eating disorders, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, Showtime shows, Television programs, Uncategorized, United States of Tara, United States of Tara cancellation | Tagged addiction, agitation, Amazon, anxiety, Big C, binging, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, control, depressed, depression, Disorders, drug abuse, drugs, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, fear of abandonment, Insomnia, mental health, mental illness, Netflix, overwhelmed, panic, paranioa, pathetic, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sister, Sleep, Substance abuse, Television, United States of Tara, Weeds | 4 Comments

Gravity

Posted on July 25, 2011 by gypsy116

Warning: This post may be triggering for some individuals. Content contains self harm, and suicidal ideation. When I posted Saturday night, after I had decided not to go to the show, I wasnt completely honest with you. Well, it wasnt … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, eating disorders, general life, Health, Lyrics, mental health, mental illness, Music, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Psychotherapy, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sex, Uncategorized | Tagged A Perfect Circle, addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Ativan, Ativan overdose, binging, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, change, compulsive over eating, control, DBT, DBT Centers of Michigan, depressed, depression, deviantArt, Dialectical behavir, dishonesty, Disorders, drowning, eating disorders, emotional withdrawal, emotionally unstable, empty, Feeling, Gravity A perfect Circle, honesty, Lorazepam, Lyrics, maynard James Keenan, medication, mental health, mental illness, motivation, Music, overwhelmed, panic, passion, Pet Smart, psychotherapy, Real L Word, Rebecca Royston, self harm, self hatred, self injury, self mutilation, sex, sister, Sleep, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, tension, therapy, Walgreens, Wicca | 17 Comments

Hate Myself, I Do

Posted on July 23, 2011 by gypsy116

Last night after reading yesterdays post, Toast asked me how I had made the leap from thinking about how much I love Dexter, to panic and doom and gloom. I told him it was because it made me think about … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Phobias, reality, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, anxoius, art contests, bawling, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, concert, control, depressed, depression, Dexter, Disorders, dog, doom and gloom, emotionally unstable, empty, fear, heightened emotional state, I am dead inside, Insomnia, irrational fears, irrational thoughts, Lorazepam, love, mental health, mental illness, obsess, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, pissed off, Pit Bull, sadness, self hate, self hatred, show, sister, social anxiety, Thought | 6 Comments

How Long Before The Fall?

Posted on July 22, 2011 by gypsy116

I have been trying to keep myself busy, in order to stave off the underlying anxiety and hopelessness. For a couple of days it actually worked, , slowly but surely it has found a way to creep back in. Tuesday … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Music, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Pit Bull, Psychotherapy, reality, relationships, Television programs, Uncategorized | Tagged agitation, analyze, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Ativan, birthday party, Bones, borderline personality disorder, BPD, break down, change, concert, conscioiusness, control, DBT, DBT Centers of Michigan, depressed, depression, Dexter, Dialectical behavior therapy, Disorders, dog, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, failure, Family, fear, Feeling, financial, giant puppy, Health, hopelessness, Insomnia, irritable, Lorazepam, love, medication, mental health, mental illness, Miniskirt, money, mood, motivated, negative mood, Netflix, nuetral mood, obsess, only get one life, overwhelmed, panic, panic attack, panicky, paranioa, pig tails, Pit Bull, pony tail, positive mood, poverty, psychotherapy, recovery, scared, self hate, self hatred, show, sister, Sleep, Slumlord Radio, social anxiety, terrified, therapy, thinking, wasting life, weight gain, weight loss, workout | 3 Comments

Food, Control, Concerts, and Miniskirts

Posted on July 19, 2011 by gypsy116

Last night, I had a near “episode”, but I managed to not freak out. Progress? Hmm, perhaps, but I doubt it. I mentioned in a previous post that I have been experiencing a great deal of distress around the lack … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, Depression, eating disorders, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, reality, relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, agitation, anger, anxiety, anxoius, arguement, Arizona, band, binge, birthday party, borderline personality disorder, bowling, bowling alley, BPD, calories, change, Clothing, compulsive overeating, control, depressed, depression, Disorders, distress, Eating, eating disorders, emotionally unstable, empty, Family, fear, felt like crying, fighting, financial, food samps, guilt, Health, hungry, hypoglycemia, Lorazepam, marriage, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, Miniskirts, money, Music, negative feelings, overwhelmed, pissed off, poverty, progress, promises, protection, rage, relationship, self hate, self hatred, show, sister, Television, weight gain, weight loss, workout | 5 Comments

Happy Birthday Toast

Posted on July 18, 2011 by gypsy116

Our family decided to go bowling yesterday to celebrate Toasts birthday (it was actually the 7th, but yesterday was the 1st day that everyone would be able to attend). We thought about going to the Detroit Zoo, but thought it … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, Psychotherapy, reality, relationships, Showtime shows, Side Effects of Ativan, Television programs, Uncategorized | Tagged anger, anxiety, anxoius, Ativan, birthday, Bones, borderline personality disorder, bowling, bowling alley, BPD, cake and ice cream, control, DBT, DBT Centers of Michigan, depressed, depression, Detroit Zoo, Dialectical behavior therapy, diary cards, difficulty breathing, Disorders, dizziness, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, Family, feel like Im dying inside, grill, hard time focusing, Health, I am not fine, ignoring, Insomnia, Lorazepam, marriage, medication, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, mood, nausea, nerves, nervous, nothing is fine, on the verge of tears, overwhelmed, panic, pissy mood, psychotherapy, rage, Real L Word, Rebecca Royston, relationship, repression of anxiety, short, sister, Sleep, snappy, social anxiety, swimming, The Big C, therapy, True Blood, wasted time, Weeds | 4 Comments

Toast + Gypsy Forever? (Maybe, Sometimes, Yes Forever) – Part 3

Posted on July 15, 2011 by gypsy116

A continuation from July 15ths post. Our house was going into foreclosure, and we only had couple of months left to stay in the house. We had decided that we were going to move into my grandmas house (she was … Continue reading →

Posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Art, Beliefs, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD and me, BPD Blogs, DBT, Depression, general life, Health, mental health, mental illness, Obsession, Panic Disorders, personality disorders, philosophy, reality, relationships, self harm, self injury, self mutilation, sex, Sexual Identity, Sexual orientation, society, Suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, affair, alcohol, alcoholic, anger, anxiety, anxoius, Arizona, belonging, bikini bar, bisexual, bitter, blame, blow, borderline personality disorder, Borderline relationships, BPD, camper, cheating, cocaine, comfortable, communication, control, couch dances, crying myself to sleep, denial, depressed, depression, Dexter, Disorders, dog, drug abuse, drugs, dysfunctional relationship, emotional abuse, emotional pain, emotionally unstable, empty, exhaustion, exotic dancer, Family, fighting, financial, Flesh For the Beast, foreclosure, friends, Grand Rapids, guilt, hate, Health, indiscretion, isolation, lie, love, low self esteem, lying, manipulation, marijuana, marriage, mental health, mental illness, Michigan, money, motor home, myspace, Ohio, open relationship, overwhelmed, Pain For Sale, panic, panic attack, pansexual, paranioa, Pit Bull, porn addiction, positive attitude, poverty, Psychological abuse, psychotherapy, rage, Recreational vehicle, relationships, resentment, seclusion, self esteem, separation, sex, sex on cocaine, sexual issues, smoking, social anxiety, stealing, Strip club, stripper, Substance abuse, suicide, suicide attempt, table dances, tattoo artist, tattooing, therapy, three some, topless dancing, uncomfortable, unemotional sex, unemployment, unhealthy coping methods, unrecognizable to myself, unstable, verbal abuse, whore house, Winnebago | 8 Comments

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